Memoirs Of A Homo Sapien

In all my 22 years of age, I am still unable to differentiate between puppy love… and true love.

Deep down inside, I have a strong feeling that she could be the one. I only regretted chasing after her this late, and not at the beginning of my first year, when i was wasting time chasing after F, which turn out to be a futile effort. Had I became close to her during that time, perhaps now… we would be a couple…possibly.

It was only during our second year first sem that we became very close friends. She would tell me her troubles, mostly her assignments and disagreements with her group members, and I would listen to her attentively. I would give the reassurance that she needed, the comfort that she desired.

As time passed by, I knew that… I was slowly falling in love with her… I find myself missing her almost everyday… Every time I see a couple, I would start thinking about me and her together… whether or not this is just a false belief, i could not be sure. Plus, there were certain things that were common between us, such as music taste, animals, as well as past experience…

The fact that we are in different tutorial groups makes it difficult for us to meet every time in campus. To make things even more complicated, was that I was not close with her gang… The foundation was not there… and it would be difficult for me start now… The only true moment where we could chat in private was online through msn, even then it depended a lot on our luck, for it was not all the time that she has the chance to chat as well… plus the fact that she would go back to her hometown almost every weekend, which is just nearby further complicated the matter… though I try hard not to be selfish over the matter…

Now… I could feel like there is a barrier between us. Adding to the fact that although it is just short semester, which is seven weeks, we are damn busy as hell. Because of this, I have told her that for the time being, we will proceed with a platonic relationship. She was very clear about my feelings for her… I do like her sincerely… I really wish that she can be the one that I can share my life with… but I’m not the type that would force a person to love me… and she has already stated her desire of just maintaining a platonic relationship.

I respect her wishes… for I too am beginning to feel uncertain of the outcome… because I’m starting to realize that familiarity is just not enough in a relationship, though it is a start. Will we have the same ideals as well? That is the question that has been burning in my mind for a long time… will we have the same understanding as well?

I guess it just shows that perhaps holding it until further notice is the wisest choice for now… I know my priorities… and I know that to love someone, I must first love myself… whatever the outcome, I am prepared to accept it… even as we speak, I am psyching myself up for it…

Perhaps… I may find someone else who can really share my ideals… but i do wish that it can be her… I don’t want to lose her… God help me…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 31st, 2007 at 8:10 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.