A chapter closed… but not the ending that I seeked
How long has it been since i scribbled something on this little memoir of mine… it felt like an eternity… too long…
Not that I was not eager to scribble even a simple writing on the wall, just that… I have been too caught up in many events of my life. The past semester in a new year has been a roller coaster ride for me. New challenges that are enough to drive me up the wall… academic wise, as well as non-academic wise. It seems that my eagerness to gain some recognition has cost me a lot… I could not bear the sacrifices well enough…
All this time, I know that I have grown… a lot. It seems that the gamble I made when first step foot into this new chapter of my life have paid off. I find myself fully committed to completing this course, which was once a complete mystery to me, a self-professed researcher wannabe in the field of bioscience. At least I can be sure that through psychology, I can still contribute to society by doing something that can alleviate one person’s suffering.
Now however… I feel that the drive that I once have is slowly dissipating. The level enthusiasm that I once have… I can feel it drifting away… My greatest fears have finally come true… I can’t help but deny the possibility that I might fail… Every semester, I find my grades dropping gradually, where finally… I finally broke one of my most sacred oaths. I not only have to take one, but two supp papers! This has come to show that somewhere along the way, something must have gone wrong…
I told myself that I would put off the matter of love until further notice. But based on my past experience, it was easier said that done. No matter how many times I told myself to control, I could not stop that desire… I know that I am still not ready, because I am still not strong enough, not secure enough. Based on these arguments, I know that being in a relationship would be futile for both party.
"sigh"… I know I must keep an optimistic point-of-view in life… For my own sake, I have to find a way to curb this issue. The target has already been set. I just need to achieve it. Right on the mark…
