Archive for June, 2007

Let Me Be Free

Wednesday, June 13th, 2007

One of the good things that I have found being more of an introverted. You tend to think a lot, and I do mean A LOT!!!

Sadly… I only wished that I have thought about this sooner. The traumatic event of Valentine’s Day 2006 have completely changed me. I have always thought that if I created a barrier around me, I would not hurt another dear friend again.

But now… this barrier… this chain… that I have created has bounded me, twisting me to fit it’s will… and now I have allowed my pacifism to dominated my very judgment. I have become… less sensitive to my surroundings. I have almost detached myself from this world in order to protect myself from lies, deceit, betrayal, pain… but I might have just doomed myself this way.

Damn it! I only wish that it is not too late to break free from this bondage that have held me since that day. I just want to learn to trust people again, without fear of the risk involved.

Am I too late? I hope not… let me be free… once again…

Academic achievements, or attitude?

Sunday, June 10th, 2007

I have always wondered, why is it that people prefer to score a string of As in their exams, perform well in written examinations, but have an attitude that is not very befitting for someone at their age?

Allow me to cite a few examples. There are students in my university, which I will not reveal their identity, complain that lecturers don’t provide notes regarding what was taught in the lecture. It seems clear that these individual are expected to be spoon-fed, even in university level.

I’m sure many of us are aware that, lecturers are NOT suppose to provide notes at all. Their job description is to provide a set of instructions for the students to follow, as well as to provide a guideline on the course syllabus. The students are then expected to do extensive research on their related subjects, be it through journals, articles, reference texts. In short, we as students in a university are suppose to be resourceful, not relying on being spoon-fed by the lecturers.

However, sadly, many students still do not realize this reality. I do not blame them entirely. The education system in our country has much to blame for this mindset. In my school for example, students were spoon-fed with information by the teacher. The purpose of learning was already gone then. Teachers, on the other hand are encouraging this phenomena by teaching them not to apply the knowledge they have learn, but to spot the questions in the examinations! Although I have to admit, there are a handful of teachers whom I truly respected, for they truly are dedicated in their work. For that I truly salute them, and I hope they can keep it up.

However, back to my point. Have you even being frustrated to the fact that whenever you are given a group assignment, there is always the tendency for sleeping members to appear. I have my fair share of this kind of predicament. Having a sleeping member is bad enough, but when they fail to deliver what they were assigned to do, that really pisses me off. Because I believe what truly makes a person is integrity. People look for integrity when conducting research, projects, work etc. If you can’t seem to deliver it on time as you have previously promise, just think of what the other person will feel. You don’t have be doing a course in psychology to know that this is merely common sense!

Another thing about group assignments is that people always seem to want to get in other people’s way. We all know that different people have a different point of view. I too want to do things my own way some times. But I cannot allow my personal feelings to get in other people’s way right. It’s just plain selfish. Sure people will think that group assignments are not important at all. Thats when they are wrong. Because they would have missed the big picture of it. The thing about group assignments is to allow people to develop their team work spirit, to gain more knowledge that was previously not available in lectures, by conducting extensive research from other sources besides your main text, as well to see how matured you are in learning to accept other people’s opinions, and how resourceful you are.

Sadly… many people do not tend to think outside the box. I can’t blame them. Not everyone get to experience what I have gone through before, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone to repeat my mistakes, especially my dearest friends. But sometimes, whenever I see some of them acting in such a way, I can’t help but shake my head sometimes. We are all at least 21 years old. By Malaysian law, we are legally adults. However, the level of maturity is just not there. And yet I can see people that are younger than us, but are more efficient than most of us.

So to put it in a nutshell. Do you think scoring a string of As will make you a better person, with the lack of proper people skills to back you up? Thats just prove that you may be able to score well academically, but non-academically? it’s whole new matter. But thats just my opinion. It’s best to think about it. A little introspection never hurts

A Great Disappointment

Sunday, June 3rd, 2007

Despair, disappointment, devastated… The 3 Ds. The feelings that are going through my mind now. Like a thousand knives stabbing into my heart. So painful… such pain… it hurts… so much.

I had higher expectation for last semester. I had promised myself that I would score better. Instead… but i knew that I was plagued by so many problems last semester. Financial mostly. Enough to make me not in the mood to attend classes at all. By the time I resolved the issue, it was already too late. It had already eroded my self-determination, and the damage was too significant.

Of course I have myself to blame for my mishap. I admit that I have been a bit… lazy of late. Old habits die hard I suppose. Adding to the fact that I paired up with the wrong group for my assignments, I guess it has already destroyed what was left of my hopes for a better results.

Well… I’m not going to let history repeat itself again now. I have to pull through this new semester and score at least 3.85. Otherwise, I can kiss first class honors goodbye. My dreams would be shattered if I cannot achieve this this semester and beyond. So that means… no fishing for girlfriends for the time being. So i guess all the girls will be free from my grasp for the while. hehe….

This time… it’s personal.