Memoirs Of A Homo Sapien

You know…. there have been a few times that i have debated whether or not should i reveal my story…. cause a lot of people think that i was from TAR college…. which is not true at all. So now…. time for all of us a bedtime story. Shall we…..

After i completed my STPM in 2004, I left my cozy home for the busy streets of Kuala Lumpur to start my part-time job at my brother’s workplace. During that time, I went through a lot of reflecting over my past mistakes, like my stubbornness….. my addiction to computer games….. I knew that deep down inside I could not fulfill my mother’s wish, which was to see me study a course which i like in a reputable public university. So i guess I might as well settle for UTAR.

Turns out, I could not even do biotechnology, which was my first choice. So i had to settle for chemistry, cause according to a lot of "supposedly" experts, there was a good prospect in studying chemistry. So as naive as I was that time, I took it up. Little did I know that It would scar me for life.

So as i began my first semester as a chemistry undergraduate, I progress quite smoothly I think, and I also met a lot of friends from my course as well. It was also at this time that I met someone whom i was attracted to. She became one of my most closest friends, even though we were from a different course. So i guess it couldn’t get any better than that…. how i would be so wrong in the near future…..

Well…. I flunked my first semester, where I had to repeat 3 subjects. Yes!! 3 subjects. Plus I was under probation.. .. but I told myself that I can still make it even into the honour’s list…… I was all set to conquer that new semester. I was so dead wrong…..

I will always remember this date. 14 February 2006. The day my world fell apart. It was on that day that i was prepared to give a valentine’s day present to my special friend…. but that day turn out to be my greatest nightmare….. because of my carelessness in protecting our discreetness, we had a major misunderstanding. She was extremely angry and upset with me at that time, and there I was laying dejected…. defeated…. for it was my fault…. that guilt weighed heavily upon me, and it still does even till this day. It was also on that day that i brashly decided to change course, so as to avoid seeing me, and to make her feel sad again…..

So i informed my mother about my decision, and she was of course caught off-guard for awhile, then was convinced as well….. we went to see the counselor at my campus, and it was then that i discovered that chemistry was never my choice at all…… it was then that another lucrative offer was given to me. Psychology….. so far it had never came across my mind……

So now i was faced with another dilemma, Either I contimue on doing something that I never liked at all, or embark in a completely new journey that might just offer me salvation. Then it occured to me, that the real reason that me and her had this misunderstanding is that some of my coursemates spilled the beans about us. I was clearly betrayed….. by the people whom I solely placed my trust in….. and it ran very deep into my veins.

So…. i made my decision. I applied for psychology, which my parents had to forked out at least 4500 bucks to pay for the fees. I felt guilty at first, but i knew that it for my own good. So in April this year, i left my home in Kuala Lumpur for Petaling Jaya, for there was nothing left for me there…..

So in May this year, I started my new life as a psychology undergraduate. Starting out afresh. At first I had my doubts about this course, but as I progressed further, I found it rather interesting, plus i met a lot of people, who gave me another chance to place my trust again. But i know that i had to set a boundary between them, only telling them on a need-to-know basis. Cause i was still hurting, and i don’t want to hurt another friend again.

And now…. I have never look back on the past. And I have never regretted my choice before…. But the reason I’m telling eveyrone this story is so that they will know that I will not tolerate any form of betrayal….. If I was ever betrayed again, i would by hook or by crook tear that person apart, mentally of course. Even that is enough to make that person feel defeated for the rest of his of her life…… and only till death will he or she be guiltless….. which is why I think it was for the better that i didn’t found out who blew the whistle on me at that time…..

So there you have it…. tha whole sad story…… but its the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

Ah yes…. 2 days already i have moved into my new place. Man…. what a tiring day i had though….. painting the whole room. Well…. at least it looked better than it was when we first surveyed the place. And best of all………… there’s streamyx available!!! Whoo hoo…. finally i can update my blog without fear of having my privacy being violated.

Well…. at least there’s some other good news as well….. i pass all my subjects as well…. oh yeah!!! i don’t have to sit for the stupid supplementary paper. Of course i won’t know if i make the grade till at least end of this year, but its still better than nothing.

So now i have 3 and a half months of holiday….. might as well find a part-time job right…. after all…. i have always wanted to get myself a brand, new digital camera. I think 3 months of working my butt should be enough. Hehe…. mind the language of course. And of course, i
ll be dumping my cpu soon…. once my loan money arrives by next week, hello pentium core 2 duo, bye bye amd…..

At long last…. after more than two weeks of pain-stakingly preparing for it, the finals is officially over for my course. Now i can finally breathe a sigh of relief. No more sleepless nights for burning the midnight oil for the time being of course.

So now, i have return to a very familiar feeling that i have learned to associate with this ending of every exams. The loss of urgency within me. What will i do now…. will i rot in my room just staring at the computer screen, playing computer games all day long? Will i return from my retirement as a hardcore gamer that i once was? To the addiction that almost destroyed me, and which almost cost me a brighter future, as well as the denial of my mother’s wish?

Nah…. of course not! I’m stronger than this. Over the years, i have change from being an ignorant teenager to a sensible, humble, and responsible young adult who is clear of his own priorities. Sometimes when i watch other people just slacking off on their studies, i would think that…… man….. I must be very lucky to have changed my ways, and in the nick of time.

I guess everyone has to fall down once, and to learn how to pick themselves up again. i know i did. I know what are my goals during this three years. I’m not just gonna sail through three years and earn just a pass for all my exams. I mean…. come on…. is that the best i can do? is that the best everyone can do? I’m gonna make the best of it no matter what. I’m not going to go through another deja vu experience again. Ever…..

So now….. in order to realise that dream, i will have go through a very intensive training. One that I’m determine to improve myself, for better or worse…..